Tonight, like many nights I am not sleeping. When 7 pm comes around a feeling creeps into my upper chest and neck. I will be fine all day and then suddenly like clockwork it appears. I cannot explain it but I can tell you this…I dislike it! It seems to be worse when I lay down so I try to stay busy. We are spending our last night at the resort in Florida where Shan has been working. We will drive part of the way home tomorrow and I cannot sleep. I grabbed my new ESV Study Bible and headed for the outdoor patio. God knows how to love on me! This verse sang straight to the core of my heart.
“When I thought, ‘my foot slips.’ Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”
I sat and read these two verses over and over as I cried. Consolations in this passage has this definition: the assurance that God knows, that He has shown His support already and that He will surely judge. This blew me away. He knows!! He knows the cares of my heart, the joys and pain. His knowing is something to remember because it will bring me joy! He’s always known each detail of what I would face in my life. I am so thankful for my time. I wouldn’t trade it for any amount of sleep.
What do you need to give to Him? I am laying down my anxiety, my hurt, my pain, myself. It’s daily…a daily giving of ourselves to God. Yes, our salvation is permanent but, we always need to keep our sin in check. When I hold on to things and worry..it’s pride. I am telling God, I can do it better. I am telling the Master and Creator that His plan and abilities are not sufficient enough for me. I am torn and broken. God, change me.
I know this is a bit random but, it’s my heart.