When My Past Haunts Me

There are times in my life that I truly don’t care to remember.  Even though many years have passed, I feel like I am haunted at times with past sin and pain.  The other night my heart was so burdened with many different things.  I turned to the only place that gives me rest.  It was after midnight, but, quiet it what I needed.  I opened the Bible to 1 John and Romans.   God spoke to my heart in wonderful ways.

Romans 6:6

“We know that our old self  was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.”

The words felt like a balm on my aching heart.  The commentary from John MacArthur hit the ball out of the park!

“We have been removed from the unregenerate self’s presence and control, so we should not follow the remaining memories of it’s old sinful ways as if we were still under it’s evil influence.”


Digging further I land on Romans 6:11-14:

” So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.  Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.  Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.  For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.”

Again, the commentary from MacArthur:


“Before sin can have power over a believer, it must pass through His will.”


“The brain and it’s thinking process are part of the body and thus tempt our souls with it’s sinful lusts.”


My next thought turned to the mind.  How do I hold my thoughts captive?  Our thinking process tempts our soul.  This was a new way to put a biblical truth for me.  So, I have work to do.  I need to find new ways to hold my thoughts captive.


2 Corinthians 10:5

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ”.


So, I am digging deeper and trying to find ways to hold my thoughts captive.  How to keep Christ and his grace at the forefront of my mind.  To trust Him and His sovereignty, knowing that no sin will enter my life unless it has passed through His will.  It can be hard not to live in the past.  It can become a deep focus in our mind and a foothold that stops us in our tracks.

Confession of sin should be a daily part of our relationship with Christ.  I have failed many times to daily give my sin over to Christ, begging Him to forgive me.   We can’t be without sin, it’s impossible as we are human.


This is a beautiful Puritan prayer that I desire is the cry of my heart and yours.

“Lord Jesus, give me a deeper repentance, a horror of sin, a dread of its approach. Help me chastely to flee it and jealously to resolve that my heart shall be Thine alone.

Give me a deeper trust, that I may lose myself to find myself in Thee, the ground of my rest, the spring of my being. Give me a deeper knowledge of Thyself as saviour, master, lord, and king. Give me deeper power in private prayer, more sweetness in Thy Word, more steadfast grip on its truth. Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action, and let me not seek moral virtue apart from Thee.

Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly husbandman, that my being may be a tilled field, the roots of grace spreading far and wide, until Thou alone art seen in me, Thy beauty golden like summer harvest, Thy fruitfulness as autumn plenty.

I have no master but Thee, no law but Thy will, no delight but Thyself, no wealth but that Thou givest, no good but that Thou blessest, no peace but that Thou bestowest. I am nothing but that Thou makest me. I have nothing but that I receive from Thee. I can be nothing but that grace adorns me. Quarry me deep, dear Lord, and then fill me to overflowing with living water.”



10 thoughts on “When My Past Haunts Me

  1. Dearest Jen,

    For years I have talked to myself. “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ then I Phil. 4:8 it. Whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is of GOOD REPUTE, if there is any EXCELLENCE and if ANYTHING WORTHY of PRAISE, DWELL on THESE THINGS!
    That has been a saving grace more times that I can recall.
    God is faithful! We need to be. He never fails! Keep speaking that truth to yourself sweet gal.

    The puritans prayer you shared is one of my favorites and my prayer as well. Oh Father plow deep so there are no roots of evil that remain within me/us. Cause our minds to be stayed on You and not sway. How we love you Lord! How we worship You in our frailty of mind. Renew us and cause us to live upright before God and man. In Your Precious Name, Amen!

    Love you Jen. You are redeemed welcome the sancitfing process and rejoice that you will NOT be stuck in the pit but lifted up to His Glory! {HUG}
    Press on…….

    • Tammy, You are such a dear sister. I am thankful that I met you this past year and how God has knit our hearts together. I love the words and Scripture you’ve written here. I will read them over and over. I will write that verse down where I can see it…smell it…taste it….

  2. Jen,
    Thank you for your transparency. You so often speak the words of my own heart and things that I am struggling with or have struggled with in the past. You’re doing it….you’re in the Word and you’re looking for answers. Keep up the faith and know that God has more grace and mercy on you than you could ever imagine! Love ya!

  3. Jen,

    Thank you so much for sharing! I always enjoy reading your blog posts, and, I, too, love that quote from “The Valley of Vision”. 🙂

    Thank you for reminding us to seek wisdom regarding holding our thoughts captive and remembering that we are FREED from the guilt of our former sin, not because of us but the finished work of Christ on the Cross.


  4. This is one of my favorite parts of that prayer:

    “Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly husbandman, that my being may be a tilled field, the roots of grace spreading far and wide, until Thou alone art seen in me, Thy beauty golden like summer harvest, Thy fruitfulness as autumn plenty.”

    Desiring Him to plough deep and make me a tilled field . . . love hearing how the Lord is working in your tender heart – arm and arm we walk this journey fighting our flesh and the enemy – OUR LORD WILL REIGN!!

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