The Idol Killing My Marriage

It was about about three years ago that I went to the True Woman’s Conference for the first time.  I was NOT prepared for what God was going to do in my life.  I had come out of a very dry time in my life spiritually.  We were visiting a new church that we liked after a year of being home and healing from some deep hurts.  God had been working that whole year as we read His word and tried to reevaluate where we were as a family.   He turned our world upside down.  My dearest friend asked me to come along to the conference with her and a group of her friends.  I am so glad I did!

I remember it well, a video popped up on the screen.  They placed the videos throughout the conference, between speakers.  It caught my attention right away!  Kimberly Wagner was on the screen telling her story.

Marriage Miracle

This is where my world came to a halt.  My heart broke and I realized for the first time how selfish  I was in my marriage.  My idol was myself.  I was not loving my husband like I should, nor was I loving my kids as I should either.  I remember leaving the room after the video in tears.  I grabbed my purse and left to find a quiet spot.   A new session was starting so most of the women were in the auditorium.  I found a corner, sat on the floor and cried.  I prayed and asked God to forgive me for what I’d done. I knew what was next…to call Shan.  I don’t remember our whole conversation.  I remember asking for forgiveness, crying some more and then also talking to Noah and asking him to forgive me as well for a few different things.  I am so thankful for the forgiveness and mercy of God and my family.  This was a new beginning for me and even for my family. This was NOT where I say it’s been perfect and I’ve done everything just right since then!  No.  This has a been a process for me as it is for everyone in Christ.  Life for those in Christ is full of sanctification.  I know it seems like a big word but, it’s important to understand.

~Sanctification, or in its verbal form, sanctify, literally means “to set apart” for special use or purpose, that is, to make holy or sacred. Therefore, sanctification refers to the state or process of being set apart, i.e. made holy.

God has used my marriage and my relationship with Shan to sanctify me in so many ways! If God has called you to marriage I am sure you can say the same thing.  Coming into marriage I was selfish.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most people come into marriage selfish. I remember coming into marriage with many unrealistic expectations!  Poor Shan!  I wanted his undivided attention.  I remember crying when he’d fall asleep early.  I used to pout when I didn’t get my way or do the ol’ silent treatment.  I would look out the car window and not say ONE word. Doing ANY these things to your spouse OR to anyone else is fully to manipulate them!  I can remember a few times when he had absolutely NO clue why I was upset.  Selfishness!!   I had set up this idol in my life and I had no idea it was there.

God used this video and Kim’s testimony to do radical surgery on my core.  He also used His word to speak very plainly to me and I hope it will to you as well.

Philippians 2:3  “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

James 3:16-17 “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”

 Psalm 119:36 “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!”
I know there are many more verses that cover this topic but, these are a few that hit home for me.  I have so far to go but, I am in awe at how much God has changed me in the past three years!  He has been so good to me and to our marriage.  Forgiveness and healing.  We were in such an ugly place and God brought about something beautiful.
I will share later in the week about one of the ways I honored my husband as I grew and changed.  I hope anyone can relate to the idol of selfishness, not just those married. If you have a verse or a quote that has helped you weed out this idol please feel free to share it!
Also, if you are a woman, I’d encourage you to check out Kim’s new blog!  She is sharing about marriage and many of the things she has faced.  She also has a new book coming out next month that I cannot wait to get my hands on!  She is also now on Facebook(her page) where she posts her new blog entries.  I have been so encouraged already by her posts. Kim also blogged today on the True Woman’s blog today.  Her post encouraged me to sit and write out our testimony. You can read it here, “My Honeymoon Hissy Fit”.

2 thoughts on “The Idol Killing My Marriage

  1. Jen, it is beautiful to see the work the LORD is doing in you – love hearing your journey!! Love how He is rebuilding you into such a beautiful person – His work is such a masterpiece!!

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